As I prepared the days feed, I heard the faint moan of an old world train engine through the distant mist and fog. It had rained all night so the greens were greener and the dark face of the mountain side was in its greatest contrast to the trees and plant life that filled the foreground. As I made my way out to the water, I caught a glimpse of movement through the fog beneath the towering pines off to my right.
As I reached for the first bucket of feed, the distant moan of the train seemed closer now, and a picture of what it looked like appeared in my mind. It was the train from the 90's movie "Fried green tomatoes". It was the one that rolled through the town and fed the poor hungry slaves in the night.
Movement again from under the pines. What ever it was, it was small, maybe the size of a dog.
The feed cascaded over the water like tiny crystals that were met upon contact with the water by the hungry shiny trout that patiently await their morning meal. They glided in the water with grace and precision that brought about what can only be described as a silent still that came over me like a satin sheet. It was as if all my thoughts, my worries, concerns; all of it evaporated. The background noise ceased and all at once I was at peace along the waters edge. I continued to feed, observing every splash, every color flash that was emitted from the surface of the water, and I found myself aware of the happiness inside me.
Suddenly a scream filled the air and tore through the serenity of that moment. I jumped and almost found myself amid the trout that I was feeding. An old world coal powered train roared past the hatchery; smoke billowing out of the top. It was just had I had envisioned; deep black and towing passenger cars that appeared to be from the same era.
Movement from under the pines again, this time I could make out two speckled fawns playing and running about, as if me nor the train were even there. Their mom was under the pines as well, keeping one ear on me and the other on her little speckles. That's when it hit me:
These animals were completely and utterly present in every moment they were in. They knew exactly what was going on, even before I did.
As I gazed about without the background noise, without my imposing thoughts or mental chatter I again became aware of the preciousness and importance of that moment. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for that experience. I went about the rest of the morning feeding on foot in an attempt to be as a part of the presence as I could for as long as I could.
I reflected on the young life that play in the grass and the graceful life gliding through the water and I was all at once apart life; I was life in every aspect of the term. No longer did I buzz about unaware of the beauty and profound contentment of life that surrounded me; rather I became apart of it.... perhaps I merely became aware for the first time that I was apart of it and always had been.
In that first defining moment of my life, I was present.
I haven't been the same since.
I am life, this is my story.
Love, Sarah
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